Driving Miss Crazy
by commander in blue
Summary: In which Zach tries to teach Bex how drive—with disastrous results. Bex/Zach friendship, oneshot.


**AN: Okey dokey, in case some of y'all were not aware, Em (emazing) and I wanted to do a week of uncanon coupling one-shots, whether its romantic or just friendship.**

**So, I'm writing this as an example,for those of you who wanted to do this.  
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**And, no, this isn't a romantic one. This is just them being friends. Or acquaintances. Whatever, they need to interact.**

**Prompts used: Lunch condiments, driving, and No Doubt.  
Whoever does this may ask for a prompt, if they want.  
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**Disclaimer: Disclaimed ;)**

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"Okay, explain to me again why I'm here," Zach said in annoyance. If his tone was meant to hurt, it did. The quiet night air of Roseville was brought back to life with the sound of the sleek car motor.

Madame Dabney's car was in tip top shape, which unfortunately made it the target of amateur grand theft auto at the hands of Zachary Goode and Rebecca Baxter.

"I told you," Bex answered, bordering on frantic as she loosened her kung fu grip on the steering wheel. "I need to learn how to drive, pronto. I'm sixteen, for pete's sake, I need to know."

Earlier that day, she had managed to track down Zach and subsequently ask nicely, beg pitifully, then force him to teach her how to drive a car, all in that order. Impressive, seeing as it was seriously impossible for her to operate a car without speeding excessively or crashing into everything in sight.

"Yeah, but why _me_?" he asked, rolling his eyes at his neurotic partner-in-crime. It was all talk—if he really wanted to stay, he wouldn't be in the car with her right now. He had a heart, somewhere. They had sneaked out of the Gallagher mansion at two a.m., surprisingly being able to leave campus without setting off any alarms. With the skill of hardcore criminals, they hotwired the car and began their lessons off the small town.

Even if she was a notorious speeder, Bex was only driving at two miles per hour, watching the roads like a hawk. Still, it was better than her previous attempts, which had led them into almost crashing into the Abrams pharmacy (not that Zach would have minded, of course).

"Ugh, do you not listen?" She sped the car up a little. At this rate, she'd get her license when she was eighty. "Cammie is no better at driving than me. Macey can drive, but she'd make me drive to the mall or something. Liz wouldn't sneak out with me. And Grant," she cringed when she mentioned her on-and-off-again boyfriend. "He makes me look like a NASCAR professional."

"So, I was your last resort?" Zach shouldn't have been so surprised, he should have been her first candidate. He was the only sane one of their 'group' with a license.

"You got it."

"I don't know if I should be flattered, Bex," Zach mused, playing with the radio and leaving it on some alternative rock station. "You don't really seem like the flattering type."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"_Read between the lines_," he shrugged, sounding eerily like a corrupted Mr. Miyagi.

Despite knowing that he had as good as a reputation for being vague as she did for being stubborn, she unglued her eyes from the road and shot him a glare. "That mysterious crap might work with Cammie and your 'fan club'," The fan club thing was a reference to the seventh graders who practically stalked him. "_But it won't work on me_."

He smiled mildly, like she was just some dramatic girl "Whatever you say. Speed up, you can get ticketed for going under the speed limit."

They drove in silence for twenty minutes, with only the radio playing. Bex seemed to be an all-or-nothing driver, she either sped up past the speed limit in bursts or went slow enough that she almost fell asleep.

"Okay, I'm going to explain this one last time," The frustration in his voice seemed to bordering on desperation for an escape route. "Do you see those little signs on the side of the road? That's how fast you need to go, nothing more, nothing less."

"I know, I know," she mumbled, accelerating to a heart pounding seventy-miles-per-hour. The car even made a _whooshing _noise as they whizzed through the night air.

If there was one thing Zach was deathly afraid of, it had to be car accidents. Sure, he was trained to _avoid _them, but better spies than him died that way. It was so sudden, and you were dead before you could blink.

"B-Bex, slow down, _now,_" he managed to choke out, gripping to his seat with all of his strength.

Bex, on the other hand, was obviously enjoying scaring him. "_Aw, are you scared?_" she questioned in a sickly sweet voice, but she slowed down to a moderate fifty.

"Scared? Me?" Zach tried to play off his fright with a cool air. "That's ridiculous."

"What ever you say,_ chicken_."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

She grinned evilly. "_Read between the lines._" Not in many cases did a girl use one of Zach's vague comments against him so harshly. He looked at her with a mix of fear (because, it's _Bex Baxter_) and admiration.

_"Sorry I'm not home right now I'm walking into spider webs, so leave a message and I'll call you back," _The musical stylings of No Doubt started to play on the radio. And, at the same time they said "I love this song!" (Bex) and "I can't stand this song!" (Zach), only to laugh hysterically when they realize what the other had said.

The so called "driving lesson" turned into a fest of discussing music and movies, all while Bex tried to keep the car going at thirty miles per hour without colliding into various park benches or fountains (note, Roseville was not the ideal place for underage bad driving).

"So, can I ask you a question?" Zach changed the conversation direction as she made an unnecessarily sharp turn.

"Didn't give me much of a choice there, did you?"

He waved off her snarky comment. "Why do you want to learn how to drive so much? You said it yourself, you friends can't really drive either."

"Well," she said, stopping to think out it. "You wouldn't want me getting your _girlfriend _or your _best friend _into a horrific car accident, would you?"

Even though the image of seeing Cammie or Grant getting mauled in a collision with Bex at the wheel was scary, he tried to still pick her brain. "Be serious, you know that's not the reason."

It was almost as ff the speed of the car reflected her moods. She would go at racing speeds when she was happy, but sluggish when she was annoyed or harried. She slowed down.

"Look, Zach, what I'm about to tell you is confidential—"

"_Spy." _Oh, the line that had easily become his overused catch phrase.

She scoffed at his one word answer, but took it anyway with a sigh. "It's just that every time time I go visit my family—the _normal _ones, I just see them get to do all these crazy thing that I _can't."_

"Like follow the speed limit?" Zach teased with a sympathetic grin. He knew what she meant, his "normal" family had more freedom than he would ever have.

"_Shut up_," she snapped, before returning to her story. "I have cousins my age in London. It's difficult enough to have to stay with them _alone_, but then I have to sit back and watch them do things I should be able to do. Like go on normal dates. Or to the movies. Or even," Bex paused for dramatics. "_Drive a car. _How pathetic, I can kill someone, but I can't park a car."

Instead of saying a well deserved sarcastic comment (considering what she's said to him in the past), he just exhaled. "Don't be everyone else. Don't be like them. You're _special sauce."_

Bex slammed on the brakes as hard as she could, which almost sent the two of them flying through the window. "Did you just compare me to a _condiment_?"

Zach, who was busy trying to resuscitate his heart from the shock, nodded slowly. "The whole world is like ketchup, mustard, and mayonnaise. But you? You're like special sauce, the stuff you don't know what it is, but it's awesome and always comes with the best food."

That had to be the weirdest pep talk in the history of weird pep talks.

She stared at him with confusion. "Was there a compliment somewhere in all that? I swear I've read that somewhere... you know, while you compare me to various seasonings and sauces?"

"Definitely."

Bex revved up the car again and started to drive back to Gallagher. It was nearly five thirty a.m., and most of the teachers would be awake soon enough. Once again, the car was taken over in silence, with only the music playing. It was a comfortable silence, seeing as she followed the speed limit and he kept all sarcastic comments to himself.

By the time they reached the Gallagher mansion, the sun was nearly up, a sign that they'd be in more trouble than they figured. But, even though none of them would readily admit it, they had some fun.

"So, how much trouble do you think we're going to get?" Zach asked nonchalantly, while Bex attempted to park the car in its rightful spot. Even though the lessons were a bust, he found it endearing that she was at least willing to try.

"Let's see," she mused, counting over all the crimes committed in her head. "We escaped campus past curfew, hijacked Madame Dabney's car, did driving without a license or permit—in my case, didn't follow the speed limit at all, and I'm pretty sure that I broke something off of her car." She counted off her fingers as they walked covertly back to the mansion.

"You know what I'd say?" Zach began, grinning in a way where the answer was just so obvious. And then, together with as much glee as they could muster, said—

"_Spy."_

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**A/N: So, if you're still interested in doing the week of uncanon coupling oneshots (I swear I'll think of cooler title), this is something along the lines of what to do.**

**I'm going to write another Bex/Zach friendship (with maybe some -nudgenudgewinkwinks-) for that week.**

**Liked this? Hated it? Tell me about it and review.  
(and if you want to do this event, review as well or PM me)**

**--asha(:  
**


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